Pride as prevention

​For this Pride Month, I’ve been reflecting on why celebrating our LGBTQ+ community matters to me.

For a long time, I didn’t feel able to talk openly about who I was. I kept things to myself, convinced it was something I could deal with later — when life felt safer, simpler, or more settled.

It took me years to realise that silence doesn’t protect us. It just allows the damage to spread quietly. Looking back, I’m certain my life would have unfolded very differently if I’d known earlier that it was okay to be who I was — and that I wasn’t alone.

That’s why Pride matters.​

And it's why, every year people from the LGBT+ come together to celebrate being proud of who they are. To show that no matter what - we are loved and we are worthy of love. And just because we might love someone of the same gender, or maybe we feel we were born in to the wrong body - it's OK. We are all important and we all matter just as much. It's about love, it's about feelings, it's about emotion and most of all it's about allowing ourselves to feel and be happy with who we are.
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But it's so much more than this. The consequences of not doing this - of not displaying these open values of love and acceptance are real and serious.

LGBTQ+ young people are more than four times as likely to attempt suicide than their peers
  -- Source: The Trevor Project

But it doesn't have to be this way.

LGBTQ+ young people are not inherently prone to suicide risk because of their sexual orientation or gender identity but rather placed at higher risk because of how they are mistreated and stigmatized in society.
  -- Source: The Trevor Project

And that is the real message behind Pride and why so many companies, colleges and universities get behind the campaign every year. It's the lighter way to present what is ultimately anti-stigma, anti-bullying, a protective, preventative message. And it’s more than celebration. The consequences of silence and stigma are real.

These messages didn't get out there when I was growing up. I knew I was gay at the age of 11, when I started at an all boys high school in 1995. Well, I say I knew I was gay - looking back now I realise I was gay at that age but my young head was simply unable to make sense of the feelings and emotions I was experiencing at the time. I knew I was different, but I didn't know why; that there were others who felt like it too, or that it was OK to be that way. Anyway, thanks to the bullies I didn't spend too much time dwelling on the actual meaning of gay - as it was a term they threw around to describe anything or anyone they didn't like. If I'd made that association at the time, then that would have almost certainly doomed my high school future to 7 years of hell.

So, how did I know when I was 11? When I look back I have some very vivid memories of the time. Looking back, there were small moments of curiosity and connection that I didn’t yet have the words for.  But nothing ever happened. It all just stayed bottled up inside. I never opened up. I stayed in hiding.

When I turned 16 life took on a mysterious twist. Mainly this was due to changing schools for my A-Levels which forced me to meet a lot of new people and expanding my friendship groups. It also led me to invest more in friendship group at Explorer Scouts. Without knowing it at the time - a very high proportion of those whom I considered to be my best friends at the time - later also came out as gay. Interesting, eh?!

At the (again, all boys) grammar school, when I joined there where two guys who were definitely sparkling with glitter - yet they were so out and proud they were untouchable by the bullies - and no-one else seemed to care. They were very welcoming and I felt particularly comfortable around them. When I joined the school, I was sat next to another lad in form class who, like me had just joined from another school and we became very good friends. He came out a few years later and not only that, when we met for a reunion drink to reminisce a few years ago, he admitted to having a crush on me at the time! Big love back - if you're reading this, Mr R!

But even then, I was still in denial. I couldn’t admit to myself that I was gay, and that stayed the case well into my twenties.

I didn’t come out until I was 26 — not because I finally found the ‘perfect moment’, but because life slowed me down and I couldn’t keep avoiding the truth.
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I'll leave you with two things. To better understand how harmful homophobia can be - watch this. Joe Bell, 2020, with Mark Wahlberg and Reid Miller.

And on a more positive note, if you're struggling - the new single Lewis Capaldi released on Friday called 'Survive' about his recent mental health recovery is truly inspiring.

If any of this resonates, know that support is available, and we should never feel that we can't ask for help. 
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    For general LGBT+ help and support please contact these organisations.
    If you're having a hard time, please contact these organisations.

And remember, my inbox is always open. x

​You may be interested in my related blog - "Overcoming the double self-stigma of being gay and bipolar".